If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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