When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
