He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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