We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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