listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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