It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
