i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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