Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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