how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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