sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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