I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
