you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
