i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
