Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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