I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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