Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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