KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
