not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
