Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
