my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
