She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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