So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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