your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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