My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
soo... how was my night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
