he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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