Fuck appropriateness.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
