I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Please don't give away my fajitas
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
