Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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