worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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