So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
