I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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