brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
no, he came in my armpit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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