She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She even gives head with a lisp.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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