i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we're so committed to being not committed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
