You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
vagina is talking i cant
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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