So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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