Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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