my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
