Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
