First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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