im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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