you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
