I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
