And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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