everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
