Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
