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Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
