you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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