Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
