Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
