its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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