Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
