I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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