My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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