I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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